Thursday, September 22, 2011

They Were Just Words

Bonnie's Jam With Me Thursdays on her Faith Barista blog is a decent challenge for me.

It isn't easy for me to type out loud the words that I have in my heart about the faith-based subjects that she comes up with each week.

I also don't want to deal with 'having to'.  I sometimes turn her suggestions into an assignment that weighs heavy on my heart as a 'have to'.   Funny though, I have found that the words come to my mind and then through to my fingers when they need to.

Bonnie allows a week for blogs to be posted.  On top of that, she always gives a heads-up a full week in advance as to what the following week's subject is going to be.

Roughly two weeks to complete a blog.

Oh, the pressure.  It is more than I can stand.

Bonnie's topic for this week is:

Autumn Reflections:
Reflect on your journey of faith as you enter into the autumn season.

Autumn - she calls it the season of letting go.

Nothing came to mind.  Oh, I started a couple of times.  But what do I know about my faith changing as the seasons do?  My faith journey is my own, changing constantly, but my own.

So I did what I normally do ... I procrastinated.

I looked up the exact time fall hits here in R-Can-Sauce ...

... 5:05 tomorrow morning to be exact ...

... I killed time by finding pictures for the post ...

... And then ...

This afternoon I was forced in a huge way to look 'letting go' squarely in the face.

I have been having trouble with the app that I use for journaling on my iPad.  I not only use it for journaling, I use it for rough drafts of blogs, for my Bible study, prayers, notes and articles that I have collected over the years.


A technicality in the program that was getting annoyingly worse prompted me to contact the developers for a fix.  Their suggestion was to delete and reinstall the app, of course, backing up my files first.

I slowly stepped through the process, double checking before I deleted the app that my backups were in place.

Well, they weren't.  One tiny misstep has caused me to lose words that were very precious to me.

So here I am, looking out to the very dreary fall day, my laptop and Roxy in my lap, fighting back tears over the loss of my words.

Just words.

I have decided that I am letting go.  I am not going to reconstruct anything.  I am letting go of what was lost.  Starting new.  The words will fall back where they are supposed to fall.

~ Dorothy



Stanton Blog said...

Sorry you lost those words, but maybe you will find new ones instead. Kind of like a fresh start.

Jennifer said...

Oh Dorothy, that's a hard lose! Hope you find peace in letting it go, and trusting Him...I understand procrastination and pressure (mostly perceived for me). I deal with both often! Praying this fall season brings you peace in the things outside our control! Great post! :)

Jeri@GodsDreamsForMe said...

I am so sorry you lost those beautiful words digitally. It's somewhere in your heart though.

In 2007, I lost every single photo memory. It was an iconic year as I had been terribly ill the year before. 2007 was the year I could get out of the house again and we made a lot of memories. Once in awhile I remember the loss, but it's not as painful.

Praying you'll be able to let go in His timing for you and His way for you.

God Bless.

Katie said...

Oh losing all your words... how very hard and sad. They are with you deep in your soul always, but it doesn't make the grief easier.

Bonnie Gray said...

Dorothy - what a perfect way to post and share this post in the jam. Letting go and not contructing anything! I love it. Beautiful pictures and YOU are what's beautiful. I hope the jam will feel more of an outlet and not any pressure! ... That would be my heart's song.. that the jam is a safe place to just be and share yourself, as is. *hugs*